Gender-Based Violence Insights
A new perspective: why people stay
Gender-based violence is a complex issue.
- More than 4 in 10 women have experienced some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.
- Two thirds of people in Canada know a woman who has experienced physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.
- 70% of people who experience spousal violence have not spoken to authorities.
As someone looking from the outside in, it can be hard to understand why someone chooses to stay in an abusive relationship. Instead of asking why they stay, we need to instead ask why they won’t leave.
This then opens up a meaningful, non-judgmental conversation which helps to identify the reasons of why they are staying and the ways in which they can be supported to make a different decision for themselves.
This is our approach at Red Door. You can learn more by reading our impact stories.
There are many reasons people stay in abusive relationships. Here are some key reasons:
They want to keep their family together
Even if their family dynamic is an unhealthy one, many feel the pressure to maintain the family unit that society expects.
Fear of losing their children
Being abused often leads to low self-esteem which may lead someone to think they are unlikely to be believed in a custody battle. They may also question whether the criminal justice system will protect them and their dependents.
Fear of the unknown
If the person isn’t financially stable, or lacks the job skills or connections needed to build a new life (or simply thinks they do), they may feel that this situation is the better option than an unknown one. If children or pets are involved, there is also the worry that the unknown will cause more suffering rather than less and many choose to not have their dependents face that.
The complexities of the relationship
The person may have mixed emotions toward the person abusing them, especially if they promise to change or are manipulative. They are also likely to fear the consequences of leaving and being caught.
Worrying about what others will think
Individuals may feel shame and embarrassment about their situation, or may feel the need to adhere to family or cultural expectations. Religious beliefs are also very difficult to abandon, meaning that some people accept abuse as part of what’s expected of them.
What can I do to help?
- If you know someone who is in an unsafe relationship, offer consistent support and ask them what you can do to help them.
- In an emergency situation, call 911.
- Visit our Get Help section for a comprehensive list of contact details for organizations who provide shelter and other vital support.
- Donate and help us give safe refuge and support to families affected by gender-based violence.
